Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Home Ecchh!

Sometimes there are so many events unspooling in my household, it's hard to decide which hilarity to write about.  Like many a writer, I become paralyzed with indecision and take to raiding the pantry closet while considering my options, only to deem each event unworthy of putting down the bag of buffalo wing Snyder's.
But this week, one particular event stood out.  In it, the kids made out like bandits.  Of course, I felt robbed.  But I'll press on.

For Ryan's birthday, which was only half a year ago, he received an Amazon e-gift.  It's perfect for a kid whose always pushing for more Microsoft points and Xbox games.  Somehow though, he didn't spend this gift.  Something about having lots of GameStop gift cards, birthday cash and a Machiavellian personality aided him in getting all the new gamer tags, cheats and boosts he needed.

Recently, Ryan got as far as uploading the Amazon gift code.  But he didn't want to wait for delivery of some hot new game every one of his Xbox friends from here to England was playing so he convinced me to go to GameStop: where males talk smack in inane jibberish that has nothing to do with sports or yo mama.

GameStop Worker 1: "Dude, I was so clamping his crecktar.  It was epic."

GameStop Worker 2: "That's ultra, man.  Did you transform from quagliator?"

My thought bubble: "Help me."

After absorbing that banter for the 10 minutes it took for them to serve two other customers, Ryan threw the game box on the counter for something that's rated "Not For Your 7th Grade 12-Year-Old Boy."

GameStop Worker: "It's okay that he gets this?"

Ryan, with an assured nod of the head: "Oh, yeah."

My thought bubble: "I need to leave.  I need to leave."

I just nodded numbly.

GameStop Worker: "So, buddy, you have PowerUp Rewards?  If you do your trade-ins now...."

My next thought bubble: "Oh, my god -- this store is somehow getting more boring!  Stop with the questions!"  It must be how a guy feels when he's trapped in Sephora.

The game cost $60-something dollars.  Ryan's Amazon e-gift was worth $50.

Ryan: "So, Mom, you take the Amazon money and buy yourself something, and I'll give you $10."

Me: "First of all, like I'll find time to buy something on Amazon.  Second, do you even have $10 left in your wallet?"

Ry, with a assured nod of the head, "...Maybe."

I promptly forgot about the e-gift.  Mostly because I have so many other fun places to shop, like the grocery store, Costco and Petco.

Cut to this past weekend, when the weather turned chilly here in the Northeast.

Cara: "I want to get a Snuggie!  I'm so cold!"

Me: "Didn't you mock Ryan for a solid three months last winter because he got one?  Now you want one?"

Cara: "But I want one that looks like a Harry Potter robe!  If they don't make one, I'll get somebody to make it."

Me: "So... this will be a Halloween thing?"

Cara: "Ohmigod! No!  It will be the most awesome Snuggie ever! Halloween... come on."

So there I was, doing whatever moms do in the kitchen on a rainy Sunday at dinnertime, while Cara was on her computer, doing what I thought was homework.  Suddenly she exclaimed, "Yes! I'm so doing this!"  But she didn't mean clean the kitchen, so I wasn't as revved as she was.

Cara: "There IS a Harry Potter Snuggie robe!  Can I get it?!"
Even though this thing isn't made by the Snuggie brand, it does bear that tres chic "oversized, backwards blanket with sleeves" look akin to Snuggie.  It also has the edgy Hogwarts emblem, shirt collar and private school tie woven into the design.

Me: "How much?"

Cara: "Well, it's $35.  But if you pay for it with your credit card, I'll give you the cash."

Me: "What cash? The cash you'll take from my wallet?"

Cara: "...Maybe."

Coincidentally, Cara found this item at a vendor for ... wait for it... Amazon.  She clicked on the purchase button and voila!, there appeared a $50 credit on our Amazon account.  Wow, how magical.  I wonder how that got there.

Cara: "Whaaat??  This was meant to be!  We have a $50 credit!"

Me: "Umm, yeah, that was supposed to be for me after I bought Ryan his Xbox game at GameStop."

Cara: "Come on -- you would never get around to using this.  And meantime, your daughter could be happy in a HARRY POTTER SNUGGIE!!  Come on, please!  Okay, I'm clicking 'Buy.'"

Did I mention that this robe is fulfilled by Amazon, and sold by This Is Why I'm

Now, ain't that hilarious?

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