If you're sitting there thinking, "Why do you care what Anna Wintour deals with?" you're clearly a healthy person and have no business reading this column.
But long-time readers know my "foibles." They also know it's been a very long time since I've written a Football Widow column. The best excuse I can find is that when my daughter, Cara, went off to college last year, I think I fell into a bit of a depression because our autumn and weekend routines were suddenly so different without her. Even though my son still -- albeit begrudgingly -- went on weekend jaunts with me while my husband, Mike, did his sportswriter best to watch every NFL game that was broadcast, it was hard to find the funny for my weekly rant, err-uh, "humor column."
Then, this year, Ryan started his freshman year at the local high school and decided that being seen sharing the same airspace as me would wreck the brand he's creating for himself, that brand apparently being "Moody." He'd prefer Uber parents, Uber in this case meaning, "Parents who show up when called and immediately leave, preferably without any interaction."
So, he and I would go on weekend jaunts while Mike worked, but it was less, "Momma, look at all the punkins!" and more, "When can we leave? It's hot. I have homework! Why did we do this?!?" See? The funny was sort of buried.
ANYWAY! When 2015 kicked in, a bunch of NYC trade shows began. And that's when I got inspired to post again. You see, professionally I write a fashion and retail column. It's great, especially because it provides a means to pay for everything my kids lose, break or have stolen on a weekly basis. But I also get to go attend the New York Fashion Week runway shows.
So, starting about two weeks before the shows, I start ruminating about important, fashion-related things. Like, "Why did I eat a billion calories between Halloween and the Super Bowl?" And I think, "People like Anna Wintour and those designers and fashionistas never break their diets -- they are so not worrying about losing a three-month binge in two weeks!"
Then as Fashion Week gets closer, I start thinking about annoying things like, "Is there enough cat food in the house so Mike doesn't start texting me in the middle of a show asking what to give Tux and Molly?" And the little voice runs through my head saying, "People like Anna Wintour have people to worry about this...."
You might say, "Oh. My. God. What is your problem? Who thinks about this kind of thing?" To which I reply, "You're clearly a healthy person! This doesn't concern you! Unless you want to clean these litter boxes...."