Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Post-Holiday Crash

Some people end the holidays feeling down. Once the shopping, eating, drinking, partying and running around ends, they go into a winter slump.

Not me. 'Cuz my shopping, eating, drinking and partying go year-round, yo!

Okay, maybe not exactly. But just because I'm not bummin' doesn't mean I'm happy and content. Because I'm not. I'm aggravated. And it sort of has to do with "technology." Which my kids say has to do with "being old." To which I say, "Clean something, brats." To which they say, "We love when you trot out your comedy routine. Ha ha ha."

By technology, I'm not talking about how to dismantle U2's bomb of a Broadway show. That's going to take teams of professionals.

No, I'm talking about getting the new Garmin to work. Getting my new iPod to sync. Getting my computer to stop sending spam texts to my phone and emails to my mother!

Seriously, my mother was getting Canadian pharmacy spam emails from my computer. I was aggravating her and I didn't even know it. Which kind of isn't anything new, actually.

Anyway! I got Mike a Garmin for Christmas. First he was offended due to the fact that he's male, and that gender as a whole feels it never needs directions. Then I told him it could look up restaurants for him if we're in a strange, new place. Quickly realizing it could become a vital tool in the eternal Salfino Quest for Perfect Pizza, Mike embraced the device.

So, Christmas afternoon, I'm trying to get us out of the house so we can go to my parents when Mike decides to christen the Garmin.

Me: "You need to read the instructions and we don't have time for that. Besides, I think we know how to get to my mom and dad's."

Mike: "What? You just turn it on. Just get the kids in the car."

Cut to us driving up the highway.

Mike, fidgeting with the thing on New Jersey's Rt. 3: "Can you get this thing to talk? I thought it was supposed to talk. And why isn't it showing where we're going?"

Me: "I told you not to worry about this now. You KNOW where you're going! Don't crash the car trying to get the Garmin to TELL you where to go! Mary, mother of Jesus!"

Mike convinced me I should give it a shot, try to make it work. After two minutes, I was car sick and frustrated.

Cara: "Is it like 'Star Wars,' Mom? Is it freaking you out?"

Me: "No, but it WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE to have the directions booklet."

Ryan: "You just touch the screen and the directions come on. Give it to me."

Mr. Xbox/iTouch/DSi went on to figure the whole thing out and tell us how it could make phone calls, give us multiple routes to Grandma's and take us around the moon in the process. Jerk.

Mike bought me a new iPod for Christmas. The iddy biddy Nano.

I've always had the big version with the wheel. But I figured I'd try the tiny thing now that the other is getting old and skitchy.

I plugged it in to my computer to sync it up with iTunes. Great. It alleged the sync was complete and I could remove it from the charger. Groovy. I played around with the screen, and next thing I knew, I was locked into some other language and the battery appeared to start draining.

Me: "Uhhhhh, I don't think THAT'S supposed to happen."

PS--45 minutes of plugging, unplugging, downloading and researching how to get this thing to work ended up with me asking Mike to step in. Three minutes later he, said, "You needed to re-boot your computer and re-start iTunes. You're fine now."

Grrr! Ya know?!?

Well, there's a chance I might have good news to report. After another round of computer fun, I may have stopped my email from spamming my phone and my mom. I won't know for sure until tomorrow, as it preferred to hit us up in the early morning hours.

I worked with a Comcast customer service rep who told me to change passwords and security questions, re-boot, assign more protections, go totally Tron and take matters into my own virtual hands.

I was feeling pretty IT-capable until I finally went to log into my email, it stopped working and came up with nothing but an exclamation point.

My feeling exactly!

Happy New Year!!