Friday, January 06, 2012

Taking The Vow

Mike and I went to the movies while the kids were home sick during Christmas break.  That's right, we busted loose to go see "Young Adult."  It's a dark comedy full of bitter humor.  I completely identified with it.

But equally as good as the movie was the trailer for an upcoming flick called, "The Vow." In yet another preview that was so long and rich in detail they saved me the inconvenience of seeing the picture, I learned this is a movie I would need to be either outrageously paid or outrageously bombed to watch in the first place.
                                                   The Vow Movie Poster
"The Vow" features a young couple who are just about as happy as two clams could be before they're cracked open and splashed with lemon and Tabasco.  Well, in the movie, a truck cracks into the back of their car and the wife goes into a coma.

After witnessing such a devastating and contrived Hollywood scene, I couldn't help but think, "Why did she feel the need to unbuckle her seat belt to kiss him while he was singing a Meatloaf song?"  Like, if you're husband is crooning, "I would do anything for you, but I won't do that," and you unbuckle your belt, I'm thinking you're automatically exiting the vehicle and dialing DIVORCE-R-US.  No?

I pulled myself out of my "What Would Really Happen" stupor in time to see the female lead (Rachel McAdams) address her husband as "Dr. So-and-So."  Ooohh, plot twist.  Because her husband is NOT a doctor.  So that must mean she's got -- dunh, dunh, DUNH -- amnesia!

In this schmaltzy, triple pack of Sweet-N-Low, cheese and barf, the husband (Channing Tatum) decides that this amnesia thing is just a little set back 'cuz he's gonna make his lady fall in love with him all over again.  They'll have a first date all over again.  They'll have their first kiss all over again.  They'll have their whole life ALL OVER AGAIN.  He will once again be the bacon to her eggs, the peanut butter to her mayonnaise, or whatever Elvis ate.

Cut to my New Year's Eve.  My sister and I saw a shortened commercial for "The Vow."   And, because she, too, has a brain, she was as incredulous as I at this insanity.

Anne: "What?!  She gets amnesia and stays with him?? My God, that's the perfect opportunity to change everything!"  

Me: "RIGHT?!?!?!  I was thinking of getting into a fender bender next week!"

Anne: "Really!  Then it would be 'Later for you losers!'  What could anybody do -- we'd have amnesia!"

amnesia-cropped traumatic brain injury

The New Year's champagne fueled the viability of our plan.

Anne, gesturing to her family: "These guys would go out and inspect the car.  They'd be like, 'What do you mean amnesia? There's barely a scratch on your car!  Did you even hit anything??'"

Me: "We'd just have to be like, 'Look, I don't recognize any of you.  In fact, aren't I supposed to be in Maui right now?  Is this Maui?  Who are those kids?  Why are you bringing me into a house that doesn't appear to be inhabited by George Clooney?  Why are there shoes and laundry everywhere?!'"

As my sister and I were scripting our escapes from the everyday, my brother-in-law just looked at us.  He didn't even crack a smile.  Come to think of it, maybe we shouldn't have brainstormed our master plan right in front of him like that.

Anywho, when you hear of my amnesia attack, you can send letters of condolence to the Ritz-Carlton Kapalua.
Ritz Carlton Kapalua

1 comment:

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