Thursday, November 11, 2010

Giving Me The Creeps

I'm not agoraphobic in the traditional sense.  I'm just not a fan of creepy spiders, which in my book are pretty much any spider that's not a Daddy Long Legs.

When they're outside, I'm all, "Live and let live."  But when I see one crawling along the bathroom sink or basement carpet, that's a no go.

Luckily, our indoor cat thinks any spider that unwittingly enters our house is a new toy we picked up for her at PetCo, where the pets go.   I believe I can thank her for taking out the thing that looked like a mangled Black Widow next to my desk.  And only because we live in Jersey, and not Cali, am I not freaking the #%@! out right now.

I could go ask Cara to give a post-mortem on the remnants.  But I value my life, and don't relish getting mowed over as she makes a cartoon-like impression in the wall running from said bug.  I said this spider was particularly creepy, right?

But here's what I don't like: I don't like having to be brave about getting rid of a spider -- dead or alive -- if Mike's not around or if he's on deadline or watching an NFL game or a particularly riveting episode of Discovery ID.

Sometimes, I want to be a baby and not the mom.

But seeing as that's not actually an option for about 30 more years when the kids are picking out my diapers and nursing home,  I still regularly have to deal with spiders.  Which is why I could kick myself for letting my Marie Claire subscription lapse -- right in time for the autumn spider invasion, no less.   That magazine had just the right engineering: it's easily rolled, yet has enough heft to make a lethal impact.

Unfortunately, I let the Marie Claire subscription lapse because well,  I don't know.  Something about size zero 19-year-olds in $5,000 Burberry Prorsum and Valentino concoctions makes me feel more withered than aspirational.  Even worse, Cara was reading it... and then sending me links to apparel web sites.

That leaves me with Sunday paper inserts to phwack spiders, Asian stink bugs and assorted other arthropods and arachnids.

Which is why I'm grateful our cat Molly finds bugs highly fascinating.  She'll bat them around like mini soccer balls, perhaps engage them in a little "trap and release." She might wrap up the play date by eating them.  Or leaving them by my desk, to show off the prize kill.

Sure it's primitive in a suburban kind of way, but it keeps the cat happy.  And the bug juice off the wall.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:16 AM

    awesome read, cath, really enjoyed it, and yeah i know what you mean about having to be the bug patrol who always disposes of those things. we don't have a cat unfortunately and w/the onset of the colder mornings, there have been lots of spiders...yuck
    have a great weekend, and please come out to sheridans at the end of the month. and tell denise to get her butt back on here!! we all miss her....(its cin, probs w/signing up again....)