On second thought

Okay, I know I ain't too quick on the uptake, but it dawned on me that Mike gave me this blog so I could complain online instead of to him directly. Ingenious. All husbands should take note. Wife: "Do you know how tired I am? Do you know what pains in the ass these kids were today???" Husband: "Honey, I'll tuck the kids in. Why don't you write it all down on your blog, and you'll feel so much better." To himself: "And leave me the hell out of it!"

I took the kids to the outdoor art fair Sunday. They were into it until we got there. Then, they complained bitterly until I got them each an Italian ice. Which actually worked out, because I wouldn't let them into any booths with their treat--"Stand right here where I can see you, but don't come in with that sticky mess!," and I got to look at a few things without them moaning. Of course, as soon as the ice was gone, they started in again. It's their job and they do it well.

By the end, my son told me his legs were tired and his feet were sore, so, "Can we go to the park now, Mom?" ...It all makes sense when you're four.

I had to hit up Starbucks first. After the park, where my daughter got nauseous because she was reading and swinging at the same time, we picked up groceries "for our dinner tonight. We'll have chicken. For our dinner tonight. This is what we're eating TONIGHT." We get to the parking lot and Ryan says, "Can we get pizza at Ray's now? I'm hungry." Is it me?? When I say no, he starts yelling wildly in his car seat. But isn't it great when you can just slam the car door and all that yelling just goes away. Until you get to the driver's side door, open it, and it's still there...."I'M HUNGRY NOW!! I DON'T LIKE CHICKEN!! I WANT PIZZA!" Then Cara chimes in, "JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH RYAN! YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS! MOM! MAAAAHHMMM!"

Cut to Mike, on the sofa in the basement, TV quietly droning. "....and when we come back, it's Jets ball."

See, ingenious.

Week 2--The fun continues

My husband generously described this blog as being written with "sharp and witty" comment. I'm not sure where that came from. Probably just another attempt to keep me a-smilin' while he's holed up with his NFL Sunday Ticket, the computer and the phone.

There's an outdoor arts and crafts show taking place at a park nearby Sunday. I may take the kids there. It's a good place to find unique arty and crafty things if you're looking for arty and crafty things for under, say, $1,000. Well, MOST are under $1,000. I don't think it's actually billed as an arts & crafts show. That makes it sound a little down market. I think it's got an "Art in the Park" type title. So people don't choke on their Coke when they see the $200 throw pillow.

I COULD just keep the kidlets happy with a visit to a dollar store. I usually only go there when I need a gift bag for a party we're actually on the way to. Why I don't buy five at a time is anyone's guess. Perhaps because I'm not organized enough. But that's another issue--one that I'm usually not thinking about when I fly into the dollar store parking lot with the present in the front seat, price tag still on it, and an un-signed birthday card under it. If I could leave the kids in the car without getting greeted by a police office upon my return, I swear I would. So, as we head into the store, I drill them: "No begging. We're not here for you. I'm just getting a gift bag and then we are LEAVING!" Not two feet into the store, and I'm hit with dueling, "Hey, look at this really cool ___." It could be a pack of colored tooth picks and they'd be begging for it. As a result, I'm tossing around the idea of saving a lot of money this Christmas by just dropping $50 on a pile of junk from the dollar store. "Wow--a neon yellow vegetable peeler. Thanks, Santa!" It's an idea.

Soon enough we'll be doing trips to the country for apple picking, pumpking picking, corn mazes. Of course, each of these trips is done separately to keep knocking weeks off the football schedule. Before we know it, it'll be Halloween, which actually falls on a football Sunday this year. THAT ought to be interesting. Me: "Mike, the kids want to go trick-or-treating. Do you want to come with us?" Mike: "What are you, CRAZY?!?" Me: "Mike, I'm going to be taking the kids trick-or-treating. Can you give out the treats to the kids that come to our door?" Mike: "What are you, CRAZY?!?" I may as well plan now to buy extra candy--as the bowl will just be left on the doorstep all day with our homey, traditional "Happy Halloween! Help yourself!" Post-it note.

Well, they're fighting over the SpongeBob video game controller. Better sign off for now....